“We don’t see things as they are. We see them as we are.” — Anaïs Nin
nothing at all.
I took this photograph in 2011. There was no contract. No invoice. No client brief. Just two good friends who trusted me enough to say — come hang out with us and bring your camera.
Here’s what I saw when I first looked at this frame: a woman who had clearly had enough, standing over a man who had completely checked out. Hand on hip, not looking at him. Him on the steps, staring at absolutely nothing, hands folded like he was waiting for a bus. I almost laughed. If you didn’t know these two, you’d think this relationship was in serious trouble.
But that’s the thing about photographing people you actually know. I knew they were fine. This was a pause between poses — a completely ordinary moment where two people stopped performing and just existed. No one was disgusted. No one was zoning out on purpose. They were just being human for thirty seconds while I was still shooting.
More than a decade later, they’re still married. Still going strong. And I’m no longer the single man behind the camera trying to make sense of what I was seeing. I’m a husband now. I’ve been the man on those steps. I’ve seen that look. And what reads as frustration from the outside is sometimes just two people so comfortable with each other that they don’t need to perform happiness every second. That’s not a relationship in trouble. That’s a relationship that’s real. Some photographs don’t change. You do. I’m posting this on their anniversary — because it deserved to be seen with wiser, and slightly more humble, eyes.
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